Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
