You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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