One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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