Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
