she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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