if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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