she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
