i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
tell me about the fingering
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