Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
