Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
