she was so not down for the gang bang
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
