3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
