i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
