EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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