I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
