I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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