The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pants are for mortals
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
