Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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