just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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