Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize