I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
