well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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