Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So many bounce houses so little time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
