Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
