How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
