Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
