Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
