I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
