I'm going to jail i love you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
