yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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