someone threw a dead crab at me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
