He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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