you would pick up someone in the library
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
