I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
