You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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