dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
