Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
