I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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