u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
