he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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