and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
