I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Houston, we have a blender
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
God, I missed his penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
