Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
