Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
