Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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