and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
