Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
operation harelip BJ is a go
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
