what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
