I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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