It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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