I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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