Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
