He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize