My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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