If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
