I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
