I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
