I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
