i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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