Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
