and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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