I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
