At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
