i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
