Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize