I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
