Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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