you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
