Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize