Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize