he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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