He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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