we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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